Who Wants to Live Forever?
by Magic-Dancer
Summary: The newest Slayer, an OC of mine, kind of a Mary Sue, recieves a new Watcher, a certain Immortal, and discovers that she is Immortal as well.


A/N: Okay, Joss owns all the Sunnydale peeps, except Holly, who is, well me, basically. (Yeah, it's a Mary Sue, so sue me. Not literally! I'm just a poor college student!) And the Highlander guys belong to whomever it is that owns Highlander. And yeah, I may not have all the details there correct, but it's been years since I've seen the series, and face it, the only reason I watched it then was cuz Adrian Paul is HOT. So I tried to brush up on my Highlander stuff online, but like I said, there are probably discrepancies. So go easy on me, okay? Cuz if you're gonna flame me, I don't want to hear it. And this is a work in progress, so keep checking back if you want to read the ending...which will be...eventually. Another thing, I mention a character named Jesse later on. She came into my storyline in my fanfic "Slayers of the Damned." Jesse is a character made up by Anne Rice. She gets all the credit there. I mention Lestat maybe once. Jesse has a small part in New Orleans, as I said, Lestat is only mentioned.  
  
A/N: The time line on this is pretty much A/U. Most of the major stuff has happened, like Buffy fighting the Master and the Mayor. She hasn't died yet. Dawn isn't around. It's the summer right after graduation, so right before Season Four.  
  
  
  
"Wake up, Holly!"  
  
I yawned and blinked my eyes, stretching. Buffy bounced onto the bed.  
  
"Aren't you the un-morning person in the family, B?" I asked, smacking her with a pillow. She grabbed a stuffed animal and started hitting back.  
  
"Usually. But today's special. Doesn't Giles have something to tell us?"  
  
"Oh, goody. Something that couldn't wait until dawn," I muttered, walking over to the window. "Yeah, something about friends of his. I don't remember."  
  
"Well, get dressed. It's already ten-thirty! I want to find out what's up, and then hit the beach. We're missing prime tanning time!" Buffy pushed me towards the bathroom and then exited. I yawned again and set to getting ready.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
An hour later, Buffy and I were pulling in front of Giles's place. As we made our way up the walk, I noticed a motorcycle parked in the driveway.  
  
"Um, Buffy, he didn't say anything about reverting back to his Ripper days, did he?" I wondered.  
  
"Giles?" She glanced at the bike. "Nope. Probably his friend's." Buffy knocked on the door. "Hey, it's us!"  
  
The door opened.  
  
"Oh, hello, Buffy, Holly. Come on in," Giles greeted. As we entered, I couldn't shake this very weird feeling. I didn't know what it meant. I saw a guy about my age with curly brown hair sitting on the sofa; next to him, a very handsome older (maybe early thirties) man. His long dark brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. They both looked very familiar. Giles sat in an armchair across from them. Buffy and I pulled up a couple of chairs. "Well, thank you for coming on such short notice, you two, as this is of some importance."  
  
"Um, no problem, G, but what is of importance here?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, I thought we were here to hobnob with some of your friends. History lesson type stuff," Buffy put in. The younger guy smiled. Suddenly I knew why they looked so familiar, and my heart sank. I started to rise.  
  
"G-Giles? Need...need to talk t-t-to you for a sec," I said, alarm bells ringing in my head. Not liking this feeling, definitely not liking this feeling. Giles sighed and motioned me into the kitchen. I followed close on his heels.  
  
"Alright, Holly, perhaps I should have spoken to you about this first. For this largely concerns you."  
  
"Concerns me? Oh, no, please, please, don't tell me what I think you're going to tell me," I pleaded, knowing he was going to tell me I was an Immortal, and that the Powers had just called to tell him that this morning.  
  
Giles looked perplexed.  
  
"It's not my decision, Holly. It was made by the Council. We have three active Slayers now. You and Buffy shouldn't have to share a Watcher. You're adults now. I didn't realize that receiving a new Watcher would upset you this much," he told me. I was flooded with relief.  
  
"A new Watcher? That's all?" I sighed, relieved. "Okay, Holly can handle that...but...why are Richie Ryan and Duncan MacLeod here?" Giles's jaw dropped.  
  
"How did you know their names?" he demanded. "Remember how I learned so much about Buffy? From TV?" Giles nodded. "Well, I know a little, not a lot, but some, about those two because of television. A show, called 'Highlander,'" I explained.  
  
"Ah. So you know that they are-"  
  
"Immortals? Yeah."  
  
"Everything okay in there?" Buffy called.  
  
"Just fine," I replied, walking back into the living room. I could feel MacLeod's eyes on me. So which would be my new Watcher? "Anyway, Duncan, Richie, nice to meet you."  
  
We made with the pleasantries. Giles cleared his throat.  
  
"As I have already told Holly, the Council has made a huge decision," he began.  
  
"Oh, goody. Don't we all just love when that happens?" Buffy commented. "Remember the last time that happened? I got stuck with a bunch of vamps without my powers, and on my birthday, too!"  
  
"Ouch," Richie said.  
  
"Since there are three active Slayers," Giles continued, "which, might I add, is unprecedented, a new Watcher has been dispatched to Sunnydale for Holly. Faith will receive her Watcher soon enough in New York." Buffy's eyes widened. "So, Holly, meet Duncan MacLeod, your new Watcher. And this is Richie Ryan, an assistant, of sorts."  
  
We talked a few minutes longer, then Giles drove the MacLeod, Richie, and I over to the Magic Box. Buffy followed in my car. While Giles and Buffy showed Richie around the store, Duncan and I went into the training room in the back.  
  
"Finally meeting the newest Slayer," MacLeod said. "It is an honor."  
  
"Finally meeting Duncan MacLeod," I replied. "That's an even bigger honor." He raised an eyebrow. "So, how much do you know about me? Like, where I'm from, that sort."  
  
"Elsewhere, I know that. I suppose you would say another dimension." Scottish accent. Man, I was going to love my new Watcher. "And what about you? How much do you know about me?"  
  
"Well, let me put it this way...don't lose your head." MacLeod looked only mildly surprised. "Television show. Kind of like with 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer,' so I knew tons about Sunnydale here. But things are really different from the show. And, obviously, 'Highlander' was quite different than real life here. I mean, you lived in Europe. With Tessa, for awhile. Never were a Watcher. And there was Methos. And Richie came around. And Joe Dawson, of course. "  
  
"I'm impressed."  
  
"So am I. I mean, my brother was the one that was really into the show. If I wanted to watch TV when 'Highlander' was on, it was 'Highlander' that I watched."  
  
"So you know about Methos. And Tessa?"  
  
"Tessa Noelle. It's weird. My cat, back in Indiana, that was her name. I loved those two names, without ever knowing they belonged to someone in your world. And my brother liked them, because he did know. I saw her gravestone. Tessa Noelle." MacLeod had a faraway look in his eyes. "But, anyway, who knows if my Tessa even exists now. And I'm here in Sunnydale and no one back there has ever heard of me, so I guess it doesn't really matter."  
  
"I suppose. Well, Holly, feel free to call me Mac."  
  
"Groovy," I replied. Mac smiled and shook his head. "By the way, why is Richie here?"  
  
"He's a Watcher in training, sort of. More of a rebel."  
  
"He'll be great with Giles, then."  
  
"You know about Ripper?"  
  
I shuddered.  
  
"Unfortunately, last year the Sunnydale High band sold candy. He ate some, along with my aunt Joyce. Turned 'em all into teenagers. From what Buffy says, not a pretty sight."  
  
"Sunnydale is quite the Hellmouth, I take it?"  
  
"Hey, just be glad we haven't started singing and dancing yet. Although all the songs would be different, because Anya's not around, Tara's not here, and Buffy's only died once." Mac's head shot up.  
  
"How was she brought back?"  
  
"My fiancé, Xander. CPR and she was fine. No magic stuff."  
  
"And yourself?"  
  
"Me? Magic stuff? Or do I know CPR?"  
  
"Have you died?" Mac asked directly. I shifted uncomfortably, still not liking the feeling I was experiencing. He sensed my hesitance.  
  
"Not technically. I mean, I ceased to exist in another dimension. But considering that now I never existed there in the first place, it doesn't really count." MacLeod started to say something, but I kept on. "I'd rather just forget it and get on to training." I rushed over to the pommel horse and hoisted myself up. Mac followed me over, placed his hands on my waist, and brought me back down to the floor.  
  
"Hold on," he said. "Let me ask you something first. Be honest. And keep it in mind for what's to come."  
  
"Fine. Ask away."  
  
"Why are you in Sunnydale? And I don't mean a quick answer, like because you are a slayer, or because the Powers said so. Tell me about you. About your life. Why you chose to stay here instead of going back to your friends and family." MacLeod leaned back against a stack of mats. I sat on top of the stack, next to Mac.  
  
"Ready for a long story then?" Duncan nodded. "Fine. Here goes." I took a deep breath and began. "I chose to stay here because I didn't have friends to go back to. I was growing up. That awkward stage between high school and college. But it wasn't like it was for most seniors my age. Everyone graduates and grows apart from their friends. When I graduated, though I was popular in school, I didn't have anyone." I paused, waiting for Mac to ask why, but he didn't. He merely pushed himself to a sitting position next to me. I went on.  
  
"Buffy...I always admired her. Why? Because even though, back home, I thought she was just a TV character, we're a lot alike. We stand up for what we believe in. We fight for what's right. Hell, I guess we even fall in love with the wrong people.  
  
"My senior year, the summer before, I was at the height of popularity. I was a major band geek, involved in marching band and every other sort of band at my school. I'd dated two drum majors since my freshman year, and had my own little clique of friends, all made of DMs and section leaders. I flirted with the guys without being a slut, if that's possible. I was loud, funny, pretty...and I thought I was invincible. I wasn't. I was human. See, this guy, Brian, we'd been friends since kindergarten. Junior year we tried more than friends. Didn't work. I was devastated, and it almost killed our friendship. But somehow, we came back stronger than ever. Like I said, I thought I was invincible. I was the band's golden girl. That August of my senior year, I found my Achilles heel. I was loud, funny, and boisterous...I was also a complete bear to be around at times. A total downer. Talking Anne Rice complex here. Turns out I was bipolar." I looked to see if he understood that wording; most people don't. He did.  
  
"So the up and down mood thing grated with my friends, of course. But we hung in there. Then, in January, all hell broke loose. Pretty much literally, if not compared with Sunnydale. A guy tried going too far with me, totally uninvited. I reported it. Big no-no in the band circles. We were a family; family members don't squeal. And, if they do, they deserve whatever they get."  
  
"And how were you treated?" Mac asked quietly.  
  
"Like a traitor. A criminal. As if I invented the whole thing just to get attention. Just to break that guy and his girlfriend, both of whom were my friends, up. But I wasn't. I wouldn't lie about that, Mac, I wouldn't." He nodded. "Blackballed, I was. What once was a haven for me was now a war zone. Every time I stepped in the band room, I fought off accusations, rumors, and the horrid looks. As the semester wore on, I got used to it. But then, when I thought I was patching things up with another friend, it turned out he was playing me. I discovered an Internet site full of hate messages and threats. Not only to me, but to teachers at school. I told my mom. We reported it the next day. This was, after all, after Columbine. Even then, nothing was done to any of them. A couple of them were tossed out of the honors society, but it wasn't any biggie. I felt so cheated. So when I graduated, I just wanted to get the hell out of town.  
  
"I went to a big school to lose myself. I did, and failed out. Came home, and well, got hooked on watching 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.' One night while watching, I got sucked in. I became Buffy for a few days, faced down the idiots from my old school, then leaped into another girl in SunnyD, Cordelia Chase. Giles helped me out of that one with a good spell. Talked to the Powers, and I became Holly Summers, vampire slayer extraordinaire."  
  
"Must have been tough...but why did you stay? Why leave your family then?"  
  
"My parents divorced when I was in junior high. Oh, that's not why I left. I was on great terms with both parents. And even my older brother. My two cousins, Jessica and Natalie, were like sisters to me. But...I couldn't stay. I fell in love with Xander. And I knew I would never find that again, back there. I was done there. It was time for me to go out on my own. And, so...here I am."  
  
"And what did the Powers tell you when you decided to stay?" Uh oh. I did not like the way this was starting to turn. To easy for him to ask about...  
  
"Well, um, told me I'd have visions. To forget what I knew of Buffy and everyone from my world. To listen to my Watcher, who was at that time Giles. And that I would be a slayer and join Buffy by becoming her cousin. No big revelations."  
  
"Nothing...else?"  
  
"Uh...no. Nothing like you're looking for me to say, because it isn't true. And I'm not. And we're not talking about this, okay?"  
  
"Excuse me, Mac," Richie's voice sounded. "Methos is on the phone. Needs to talk to you." I continued exercising. Mac looked at me.  
  
"We will discuss this later, Holly. Coming, Richie." His footsteps echoed in the empty gym. The door closed and I was alone. I dismounted and sat down on a mat. I knew deep down what MacLeod wanted to discuss with me. I knew what he would tell me. But right at that moment, I really didn't want to hear or think about it. Buffy startled me when she plopped down in front of me.  
  
"So, how's the meet and greet going?" she asked.  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Fairly good. I mean, love the accent. But I really want to get to the beach. I hate being stuck inside on a day like today. Besides, I need to talk to Xander." My heart sank as I realized that I couldn't tell him, or anyone for that matter, what was really bothering me. And admitting it to Mac would just be even worse. I glanced down at the diamond on my left hand.  
  
"So let's go then. I mean, Giles will keep Mac and Richie busy. " Buffy stood. She grabbed my hands and pulled me up. "Just go tell MacLeod that you're playing hooky for today. It's not like any vamps are posing a real threat in the sunshine." I hoisted my duffel bag over my shoulder. "Oh, wait," Buffy said. She took my bag from me and unzipped it. She began pulling different types of weaponry out, then, satisfied with the bag's contents, zipped it and handed it back.  
  
"That's better," I said. We walked out into the shop, closing the door to the gym behind us. Mac was on the phone with his back to us. Giles had his nose buried in a stack of books. Richie was sitting at the research table, twirling a small dagger. He looked up as we approached. I felt the same odd sensation that I had experienced back at Giles's.  
  
"Where are you two off to?" Richie inquired.  
  
"Beach time," Buffy answered.  
  
"Mac know you're leaving?"  
  
"Not exactly," I returned. "Would you tell him that I'll meet up with him later? I kind of...need a break. Need to talk to my fiancé."  
  
Richie nodded. He was still eyeing me strangely, though.  
  
"Sure, no problem."  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Buffy and I went out to my car and headed over to the beach. It being the middle of the week, we spotted Willow and Xander with little trouble. They waved us over to a sandy patch a ways up from the shoreline. Buffy and I pulled our shirts and shorts off, revealing our bikinis beneath.  
  
"So what'd Giles want?" Willow asked.  
  
"Hello to you, too," I replied. I stretched out next to Xander and started applying suntan oil. "Here, get my back, sweetie." I handed the bottle to Xander.  
  
"Enjoying yourselves?" Buffy said, spreading her towel out by Willow. Willow nodded impatiently.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. What'd he want you guys for? New Big Bads to watch for? Apocalypse happening this weekend?"  
  
"Geez, Will, you don't have to sound so excited about that," I complained. "Besides, he just wanted to introduce us to a couple of his friends." Buffy looked at me, brow raised.  
  
"And let Holly meet her new Watcher," she added. "What?!?" Xander and Willow exclaimed as one.  
  
"Why would Holly need a new Watcher?" Xander asked.  
  
"Is he sick? What's wrong with Giles?" Willow worried.  
  
"Giles is fine, you guys," Buffy told them.  
  
Xander put his hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Are you okay with this?" he asked in a hushed tone. I shrugged.  
  
"I guess. Another Watcher has been dispatched for Faith, so it's not just me at least. Guess the Council wants to make use of their people while there are this many Slayers alive."  
  
"Who is it?" Willow broke in. I sighed. So much for a relaxing afternoon at the beach.  
  
"Duncan MacLeod. Watcher from Scotland. Great swordsman. He's an Imm- " I stopped. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell Buffy and the others what Richie and Duncan were. Then again, I could be wrong about the whole thing. Maybe Giles was mistaken. Maybe I just had indigestion. Maybe I was allergic to something they were wearing. And maybe Heath Ledger was going to drop out of the sky from nowhere and confess his love for me. "He's a really great guy."  
  
I knew deep down who the new arrivals in Sunnydale were. I just could not admit it to myself, or to anyone else for that matter.  
  
"There's also another guy. Watcher in training of sorts. Name's Richie," Buffy said. "And Holly and I will keep on working together here in Sunnydale. We'll just have different Watchers, that's all." She laid back on her towel.  
  
"Wow...so, when do we get to meet your new Watcher, Holly?" Willow wondered.  
  
"Whenever," I replied. "For now, I just want to relax."  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ********  
  
We spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. Around five or so, we decided to head back to the apartment. Once inside, Buffy and Willow each took a bathroom to shower. Xander flopped down on the balcony. I checked the answering machine and caller ID. There were three messages. The ID showed the Magic Box's number twice and Giles's number once. I pressed the PLAY button.  
  
"Holly, hi. This is Mac, give me a call when you get in. We need to talk."  
  
"Hello, Holly, this is Giles. I must say I'm rather disappointed in your 'disappearing act' earlier. I expected more of you. Do call when you get in."  
  
"Holly, it's Giles again. It's four-thirty. We are back at my house. Please call. There's something you need to know. Mac really needs to talk to you, urgently."  
  
I sighed and walked back to my bedroom. Willow walked out of my bathroom.  
  
"All yours." She picked up my hair dryer. "Hey, you alright?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I fibbed. "Just tired. Need a shower." I walked past her and hopped in the shower. Ten minutes later I was back out in the living room with Willow and Buffy. Xander was still in the shower.  
  
"So, who called?" Buffy asked. I looked away.  
  
"Giles a couple times, and Mac," I replied. Might as well be honest.  
  
"Did Giles sound pissed?"  
  
"Not too badly," Xander said, coming into the room. I glanced up at him in surprise.  
  
"You heard?" He nodded.  
  
"Aren't you going to call them back?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," I said. I stood as the doorbell rang. "Guess I should get that first." I rushed to the door, happy for the delay. My joy was short-lived once I opened the door. Giles, Mac, and Richie waited there.  
  
"Holly, glad you're home," Giles said. "May we?" I moved aside to let them in. The funny feeling was back, and somehow I knew I wasn't going to be able to ignore it this time.  
  
"Take your coat off, stay awhile," I told Mac. He handed me his duster. "I will never understand how you can wear this thing in southern California." He smiled.  
  
"Yes, well, there are a great many other things that you most likely won't understand."  
  
"That's an understatement," I muttered.  
  
"Hey, look who's here," Xander said. "Giles, and I'm guessing, the new guys."  
  
"Very observant, Xander," Giles returned. "This is Duncan MacLeod, and Richie. Duncan is Holly's new-"  
  
"Watcher," Willow finished. "Yeah, we know. She told us earlier. Why the need?"  
  
"Why not?" Richie asked, sitting down on the sofa next to Buffy. I lowered myself stiffly onto an armchair. Mac leaned against the wall, watching me closely.  
  
"The Council merely felt it was necessary, given the circumstances," Giles said.  
  
"Circumstances?" Xander echoed. Giles looked uncomfortably at Mac, then me, and back to Mac.  
  
"Given the fact that there are multiple Slayers," MacLeod filled in. Xander nodded vaguely, unconvinced.  
  
"Okay," I said, standing. "Now that we've all met, I'm sure Mac and Richie are dying to check out the nightlife around this place, so..."  
  
"Actually, Holly, I wouldn't mind patrolling with you," Mac said. "If Buffy doesn't mind Richie tagging along with her." Xander moved to my side.  
  
"Alright, then, a-slaying we will go," he quipped. Mac put an arm out to stop him.  
  
"You take your boyfriend out slaying?" he asked. Xander gave him a "Duh" look.  
  
Buffy picked up her sweatshirt.  
  
"Come on, Richie, Wills, Giles. Let's go." She started towards the door.  
  
"Wait, Buffy, I believe we should take Xander with us," Giles said. He motioned Xander over. Xander trudged over.  
  
"Talk to you later, Holly," he grumbled.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
MacLeod and I left as soon as the rest of the group had. Buffy had decided to start checking the docks, while Mac and I prowled the cemeteries. We walked around in silence for awhile, seeing absolutely no one, alive, dead, or undead.  
  
"Okay, so I take Xander slaying with me. What's the big deal? Buffy's got a whole party going on tonight and you're not saying anything to her," I pointed out.  
  
"I'm not Buffy's Watcher," Mac retorted.  
  
"Pity," I mumbled. Mac stopped walking. I turned and crossed my arms. "What?"  
  
"Holly, this is not how I wanted to start out. And I know you're not just upset about getting a new Watcher. I know what's bothering you."  
  
"Oh, really? Do you now? Fine, then, Mr. 'I'm An Immortal and Know Everything.' What's bugging me?" I knew I was being unreasonable. But I really did not want to hear what he would say next.  
  
"You're afraid," he said simply.  
  
"Of?" I spat.  
  
"Becoming one. Of being one of us."  
  
"Why would I be afraid of that? I'm a Slayer. Slayers can't be Immortals." I faltered. "C-can they?" MacLeod merely looked at me, confirming my worst fears. I grasped on to the cemetery fence for support. I shook my head.  
  
"You don't know that," I said hotly. "I've never died."  
  
"You feel it, Holly," Mac replied, stepping closer. "You feel it. I can feel it in you. So can Richie. We recognize it in each other. You've just never experienced it before."  
  
I fought against tears.  
  
"I haven't died," I held. We continued into the graveyard. I kept looking around, praying for a vamp to show himself. I had never before wished to see Spike. And now I was hoping he would appear. Suddenly, I was pushed roughly onto the ground. Mac helped me up, then stepped back as I whirled around. At least this vampire hadn't disappointed me. I kicked him squarely in the chest as he growled at me. I cursed.  
  
"I am not in the mood for this," I muttered. I reached for my stake, only to find it had fallen somewhere in the fight. "Great," I groaned.  
  
"Holly!" Mac shouted. He tossed me a stake. I grasped it and drove it into the vamp's heart.  
  
"Oh, goody. One down, infinity to go," I said.  
  
"You shouldn't be so negative," Duncan advised.  
  
"Why not? It's not like it's going to kill me, is it?" He shook his head.  
  
"Holly, you are what you are. I was sent here to teach you to control your powers. To train you."  
  
"To train me. Why? So you can kill me in the end?"  
  
"Why would I-" His face held an unknown grief. His eyes were haunted by those words.  
  
"The Game, MacLeod. Isn't that what it's all about? Richie's going to die. If you win, I have to die. I won't let it come to that."  
  
"And neither will I, Holly. You have to trust me. I want to help you."  
  
"Right. Like you helped Conner. You end up killing your own clansman." Mac looked at me, bewildered.  
  
"We are what we are, Holly," Mac said. "We can't change it."  
  
"Yes. We can," I shot back. "I did. You know that. Giles knows that. I used to be someone else. Hell, I used to live in another freakin' dimension. We can change it."  
  
"Not everyone gets the chances you have had, Holly."  
  
"Yeah, well, color me lucky, then. I don't want this." "I can't change it. You can't change it. You have to understand that."  
  
"Dammit, MacLeod. I'm telling you I don't want it. I'm a Slayer. Isn't that enough to deal with already? Why does this have to be thrown in?"  
  
"It-"  
  
"And besides," I went on, cutting Duncan off. "If I die once, well, why should I be a Slayer? I mean, another will be called, right? And I'll come back to life, provided I don't lose my head over it."  
  
"Very funny," Mac said, though his voice was far from amused.  
  
"So the Powers obviously know. They made me this way. Why the need for any other Slayers? This whole thing is so messed up. What happened to 'there can be only one'? Oh, wait, that's right. The Council loaned that phrase to the Immortals. All for your little Game."  
  
"Holly, this is not the way to handle this."  
  
"No shit. I'm sorry, Mac, I really am. But I cannot deal with this now. I'm engaged. I'm starting college. I'm supposed to be freaking out about Rush Week and how I'll handle all the schoolwork. Not freaking about living forever and spending eternity slaying vampires and the forces of evil!" I backed away from him. "I'm through for tonight. Handle it yourself. You have a sword, after all." I turned and ran into the darkness.  
  
I heard Duncan calling after me, but I couldn't turn around. My worst fears had just been confirmed by him. I was an Immortal. Not only was I an Immortal, but I was a Slayer. Goody. The first one in history with this special power. Man, the Powers were really making me pay for my decision to stay in Sunnydale.  
  
My mind was racing. I couldn't handle it. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted so badly to run away. Not just from MacLeod, but from Giles, from Buffy, even from Xander. Everything suddenly just seemed so scary. My future loomed ahead of me, so oppressive. So intimidating. I didn't want this anymore. For the first time since my decision to become Holly Summers, I regretted it. I wanted to be back home. I wanted my old life back. Where things, at the worst, only came down to losing a friend or two. Where my most stressful choice was whether to see the new Mel Gibson movie or the most recent horror flick. To go movie theatre or video store. Popcorn or candy. Not slay a vamp and embrace my destiny or run away.  
  
And at this moment in time, call it a lapse in judgment if need be, but I chose to run away. To get out of Sunnydale. At least now I knew to grab a sword and keep it with me. Even then it would end all my problems if I met up with another Immortal who could just chop off from my neck up. I knew I shouldn't think this way. Giles and the others would be appalled. But, dammit, Buffy ran away once. She'd done it on more than one occasion. And she'd returned. Eventually. But maybe I wouldn't have to.  
  
I glanced down at the ring on my finger once more. I took it off and stuck it in my bag, then fumbled for my notebook. I sat down on the curb, constructed a make-shift envelope, scrawled a quick note to Xander, and stuffed the ring in it. I hauled butt over to his house, left the envelope in his door, and turned back toward home. Hopefully Buffy and everyone were still out patrolling. I had just reached the street in front of Xander's when someone grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me onto the grass.  
  
"Who the he-" I sputtered.  
  
"Shut it," Giles growled. Inwardly I groaned. I had hoped to be long gone before Giles came round. I did not want to be on the receiving end of this. I started to stand. "No. Sit."  
  
I sat.  
  
"Holly, I do not know what you think you are about to pull. I don't know where you get off treating MacLeod the way you have. But-"  
  
"What do you know about it, Giles? This is between Slayer and Watcher. Holly and MacLeod. Not Holly and former Watcher." I could tell I struck a nerve.  
  
"It wasn't my choice to turn you over to Mac, you know. But that is completely irrelevant. I know he's given you some upsetting news-"  
  
"Upsetting news. Upsetting news? That's all you think it is? Then you are way off base here, Giles. How would you like it, being told you're going to live forever? That everything you've just gotten used to having, everyone you've just gotten used to loving, is all going to die, and you'll keep on living? That you have to play in some stupid 'Game' until you win...or you die? Sorry, was never big on the swordplay."  
  
Giles sighed.  
  
"Please, Holly, I know this is hard."  
  
"No, you don't know."  
  
"Maybe I can't understand it. But I do know what you are about to do, and I am begging you not to go through with it."  
  
"How can you know what I'm thinking, what I'm planning?" I spat.  
  
"You're not wearing Xander's engagement ring," Giles replied softly. My hand instinctively went to my fourth finger. "Holly...I may not have known you as long as I have Buffy. But you are both...both like daughters to me, really. I lost Buffy once. Do you even know how horrible it is to know someone you love is hurting, but that they won't let you help? Even worse, that they've run off to God knows where?" I shook my head, not in answer to his questions, but in defiance.  
  
"Sorry, Giles. I am. Since I've been here, you've been a father to me. Always will be. But right now...I can't. I can't take it. Buffy'll understand. Just ask her."  
  
"No, Holly, I'm sorry, but I think that's where you are wrong. She has been there. But this...you running, no, she won't understand."  
  
"Then forgive me. But I'm leaving." I stood and walked off into the darkness. Giles didn't call after me or make any attempt to stop me. Maybe he was hoping I was bluffing. But deep down, I think he was just realizing that it was beyond his control.  
  
By the time I reached the apartment building where I lived with Buffy, I had realized I couldn't go upstairs. Someone would be waiting for me, and I was surprised there wasn't someone in the parking garage. I jumped in my Miata, shaking. There was no turning back now. I had a bag in the trunk; there was a change of clothes and toiletries in it. No turning back, I reassured myself. I revved the engine and pulled out of the garage. Upon reaching the street, I saw Giles talking further down with Xander and Buffy. It was too far for me to see their faces. I turned down the opposite way without a backward glance.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ***********  
  
One of the few good things about being Holly Summers was the immense trust fund I had been left by my "parents." The next afternoon I was in New Orleans. I figured with all the weirdness and size of that city, I would blend in perfectly. I checked into the Quarter House and rented a condo for a week. I knew I couldn't just sit around, so I decided that I'd start looking for a job on Tuesday. I wanted to spend the rest of today and tomorrow sight-seeing. After riding the streetcar to the Garden District and doing some shopping, I went back to my condo to take a nap.  
  
When I awoke, the sun was just setting over the Crescent City. I showered, dressed, and headed out onto Rue Chartres. Everything looked so familiar, and yet so new. I'd been here twice as Holly Kaminski. My body was bursting with excitement at being back in my favorite city in any dimension. I left the quiet part of the Quarter (if there is such a thing) and soon found myself in Jackson Square. Even on a Sunday, the French Quarter was bustling. I grabbed a po' boy to eat and bought a ticket for a "haunted history" tour. It was to start in about ten minutes, so I walked the short distance to the riverfront, watching the lights twinkle on the water.  
  
I noticed a crowd where the tour was to start. I returned to the restaurant. I noticed a tall man in a top hat and cape and carrying a cane.  
  
"Must be the guide," I muttered to myself.  
  
"That would be Sid," the man next to me said. I turned to him.  
  
"You've been on this tour before?" I asked. He nodded. I became aware of a prickly sensation on the back of my neck, not unlike what I had experienced when I met Duncan and Richie. My eyes narrowed.  
  
"Forgive me. Let me introduce myself. I'm Adam Pierson." He stuck out his hand. I took it hesitantly.  
  
"Valerie LaVelle," I returned. It was the same name I'd registered at Quarter House with. Amazing how quickly one can get new identification with the right amount of money. "But call me Val, if you like."  
  
"Well, Valerie. First time to New Orleans?"  
  
"Not exactly." Adam raised an eyebrow. "I mean, yes, of course. I've just read so much about the city and its history that I've felt like I've been here before."  
  
"Ah, of course," he said, not quite convinced. Sid began talking and we followed him down St. Peters Street. "So, what sort of history?"  
  
"Mostly haunted. I've a taste for the macabre, you might say." Adam smiled.  
  
"Sounds like myself. Always up for a good ghost story, are you?" I nodded. "Well, you've definitely come to the right place. And I must say, Sid is the best guide we have."  
  
"We?" I repeated.  
  
"You might say I'm Sid's boss. I take the tours every so often, kind of checking up on everyone and everything. Make sure things run smoothly, that the guests are enjoying themselves."  
  
"Sid's Watcher then," I said before I realized the wording I had used. Adam looked at me a little strangely but said nothing. We were in the middle of the crowd and Sid had stopped at a small shop, the Bottom of the Cup Tearoom, and was relating a tale of a pair of lovers. Julie, the female, had died on the roof proving her love to her man. As the group started moving again, I saw a dark figure join the party. I decided to keep an eye on him, as my slayer sense heightened at his arrival.  
  
"Val?" I turned back to Adam, realizing he had been calling my name.  
  
"Oh, sorry, just thinking how sad the story is..." I trailed off, not wanting to push the lie.  
  
"No problem. Just wondering how long you plan on being in New Orleans." I shrugged.  
  
"Hopefully for good. What about you? How long have you lived here?"  
  
Adam looked away.  
  
"I've been here...awhile. Just sort of...migrated back." I noticed he was carrying himself differently around me. More...guarded. Great. Now he was sensing something was up. Sid stopped us at a bar and the tour was on a twenty minute break. I cleared my throat nervously.  
  
"Buy you a drink?" Adam asked, holding his arm out. I nodded, smiling, determined to forget the feelings of weirdness. He seemed just as determined. After we picked up our drinks, we took our plastic cups back outside to Sid's table. "So, Sid, how's it going tonight? This is Valerie...?"  
  
"LaVelle," I finished. Sid shook my hand.  
  
"Doing great. Nice to have you on board the tour tonight, both of you. What brings you to the city, Val?" Sid asked.  
  
"Needed a change of scene," I replied smoothly. "And I've always, always been in love with the Quarter, so, here I am."  
  
"I'm guessing you've heard some of these stories already, then." "She has, Sid, she has. We have a bona fide ghost hunter on our hands," Adam told him. I flushed. Adam had no idea how close to the truth he really was.  
  
"Well, my dad and I shared a passion for the 'otherworldly,' you could say..." I said lamely. We talked a few minutes more.  
  
"We should get started again," Sid said finally. We stood and waited while Sid gathered the rest of the group. As we moved on, I noticed the same shady figure standing at the back of the crowd. I kept a close eye on him.  
  
Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind, pulling me into one of the Quarter's many dark and abandoned courtyards. A hand clamped over my mouth. I leaned forward quickly and flipped my assailant.  
  
"Geez, Holly, go easy on me, okay?" a muffled voice complained from the ground.  
  
"Jesse?" I asked incredulously. I helped her up. Just then, Adam ran into the clearing.  
  
"Valerie? Are you all right?" He hurried up to me.  
  
"Valerie?" Jesse repeated. I shook my head. She nodded, knowing I would fill her in later.  
  
"Adam, yeah, just fine. My friend, Jesse, here, she just startled me, is all. Haven't seen each other in quite some time." Adam eyed Jesse, sensing something was different about her. I could feel her energy as well, an odd sensation compared to what I felt from Adam. "Was just about to tell her to give me a call and get back with the tour." I grabbed a slip of paper from my bag, wrote down where I was staying and my phone number, and handed it to her.  
  
"Okay, Valerie, well, it was good seeing you. I'll call you later, Valerie." Jesse slipped off into the night. Adam's eyes were narrowed.  
  
"Come on, the tour's about over. I'll take you back to your hotel. There's something I want to talk to you about." I fell in step with him. "My friend runs a café down here, called the Bottom of the Cup Tearoom. I could put in a word for you. His best waitress just had a baby, he needs the help."  
  
"Seriously? Well, thanks, I'll think about it." I looked up at the building. "Well, I'll see you later, okay, Adam? Let's meet for brunch tomorrow, say, Café Du Monde, at eleven?" He nodded. "Sounds great. I'll see you then." He watched me as I made my way inside.  
  
Once I left Adam in the lobby, I went straight to my room. But no matter how I tried to divert my attention, my mind kept wandering back to Giles. I kept remembering how we argued, how he was the last person I spoke to in Sunnydale, how much I looked up to him...and how much I knew I had disappointed him. My chest was tight, but I refused to cry. If I started now, I would never last here. I decided to take Adam up on his job offer.  
  
As I was settling into bed, I heard a cry from the street below. I hurriedly dressed and went down, following the noise. Before I even realized I had done this all out of habit, I was in the middle of St. Louis Cemetery No. 1. I spotted a tall male vamp in a duster about to bite a frightened girl that looked about my age. I ran over and staked him quickly. The girl ran away without so much as a thanks. I shook my head. Such is the life of a Slayer. I patrolled the rest of the walled-in block quickly and was about to leave when a voice stopped me.  
  
"'Bout time. I can't exactly meet you at the River Walk for lunch, you know." Jesse stepped out from behind a tomb. I ran over to her and we hugged.  
  
"God, it is so good to see you, Jess."  
  
"You too. But, um, if you don't mind me asking, where's your entourage?"  
  
"You mean Giles, Buffy, and Xander and all?" She nodded. "Back in Sunnydale."  
  
"Sunnydale? Wow, thought you and Xander were all hot and heavy. And Giles wouldn't let you out of his sight."  
  
"Yeah, well, Giles isn't my Watcher anymore. And I gave Xander his ring back." Even in the dark I could see the shock on her face. She hopped up on one of the stone tombs, pulling me with her.  
  
"Okay, talk." If it'd been anyone else but Jesse, I would have wigged at the idea of divulging all this info in the middle of an unfamiliar graveyard. But since it was her, this was commonplace.  
  
"See, the Council thinks I need a new Watcher. So I got stuck with an Immortal. I mean, he's hot and all, even a Scottish accent." Jesse rolled her eyes.  
  
"You and your infatuation with guys and accents."  
  
"Name's Duncan MacLeod. This all happened a couple days ago. And then, he and I started talking, and he told me I was an Immortal, too."  
  
"I knew something was different about you. I could feel it." I nodded.  
  
"Yeah, that's it. Well, guess what. Holly doesn't want all that. I mean, how can I possibly have any sort of relationship, with any sort of guy, even friendships? They die, I live. Kind of makes things difficult."  
  
"So you freaked out, grabbed your stuff, returned Xander's ring without even talking to him, and got the hell out of Sunnydale before morning, right?"  
  
"God, you may be a vampire now, but you still know me so well. How is Lestat, anyway?" Jesse rolled her eyes.  
  
"Hell if I know. I got tired of the whole vamp with a tortured soul act. We split up, on good terms though. He was sick of New Orleans, though, left for Europe a couple weeks ago. Somehow I just knew I needed to stick around." I gave her a grateful smile. "But you're still not telling me the whole story. You're still bummed about something, something else that you're not saying. So say it."  
  
"Well, Giles and I had a huge fight, right before I left. I mean, screaming and yelling in the middle of the street. And he...he was so disappointed in me."  
  
"Why? It's not like he has to deal with what was just dumped on you."  
  
"Well, I was running out. Doing what Buffy did. And you know, of all of them, I guess...Giles is the last that I want to lose respect for me. Since I came from my dimension, since I became Holly Summers, he's always been there for me. Helping me, supporting me. But even then, I always felt second best. Buffy this and Buffy that. Buffy, Buffy, Buffy." I groaned. "God, just call me Jan Brady why don't you." Jesse grinned.  
  
"Look, Jan, you shouldn't have to feel that way. I mean, you're her equal. You are a slayer, too. You may not have existed here as long, but you have been a slayer just as long as she has. Both were called at once. We got into more scrapes than I can remember just trying to get around your anal Watcher back in France." I laughed with her.  
  
"Yikes. But I guess you're right. I mean...I just...what am I supposed to do about Giles? If I talk to him right now...then any chance I have of making it in New Orleans is gone. Over. Pfft. Finito." We talked awhile longer, then parted ways near dawn.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
I ended up meeting Adam the next day and taking the job. When I started a few days later, I was in heaven. Ghost sightings were reported daily at the shop. Adam and I saw each other daily throughout the next month, and at night, when I wasn't tagging along with Adam on tours, I was prowling the Garden District and French Quarter with Jesse. But every time I was alone, memories crept back in of a certain Watcher. I tried to push away the thoughts of Sunnydale, of what Buffy and Xander and Willow must be up to. Of how Giles must hate me. Mac and Richie, though I had known them for such a short time, must have a horrible opinion of me. But I refused to break. I couldn't quit. Then one night, it all came crashing down.  
  
Adam and I were out around town, enjoying a jazz festival. The flirting between us was growing more and more heated, and we'd almost kissed more than once. I still knew that he had that energy, the same as Mac...  
  
"So, Adam Pierson..." I stopped. Like I had suddenly realized who Mac and Richie were, the familiarity of Adam's face and voice hit me. I knew why I had this feeling, and I knew who Adam really was. "Methos," I whispered.  
  
His head turned swiftly towards me. Adam grabbed my arm and led me away from the crowd. This was not good. I had come all the way from California to escape Immortals and Slayers and Watchers...just to find myself in the company of an Immortal and former Watcher. Oh, this was turning out to be a great trip.  
  
"What did you say?" he hissed, suddenly holding a sword. I cursed, then backed away.  
  
"Okay, Adam, um, good God, I do not want to discuss this, but it's obvious you know something is up, and I know you sense me as...well, as more than just a girl. Curse the stupid Powers." I sighed. "Okay, please, put the sword down. I do not want your Quickening. I do not want a fight. I'm more confused than you...and can we head elsewhere? Someplace a little more...private?"  
  
Adam stood still for a moment, considering. Finally, he nodded, took hold of my arm again, and escorted me down Bourbon to Gov. Nichols Street. We traveled up to the corner of Royal. I recognized the house he stopped at. As he started to lead me into the courtyard, I froze.  
  
"Uh uh. No way. Not going in there." He looked at me like I was crazy.  
  
"Valerie, come on. I'm not going to do anything to you. If I wanted to, I would have by now. I'm quite certain I could best you easily." I decided to not protest at that one, or even prove otherwise at the moment. "Um...first...isn't this...wasn't this..."  
  
"The LaLaurie mansion?" Adam finished impatiently. I nodded. "Yes. It is. All sorts of unspeakable horrors happened here. Don't worry about it. I've survived living here, haven't I?"  
  
"You're also 5000 years old," I returned. His eyes narrowed.  
  
"Come on." I followed him inside, shivering a little. Four years as a Slayer, and yet I had never felt quite so off-balance and wigged. I could remember everything I had ever read and heard about this place as Holly Kaminski. We made ourselves comfortable in the living room. I forced myself to take a deep breath and relax. At least Adam had put his sword away.  
  
"Okay, so first off, um...what should I call you now?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean, Methos, wait, probably a big no on that one. Lord knows how many Immortals would love to get their hands on your head. Not that I do. I mean, your head. I mean, um..." I stopped, flustered. Adam leaned back, enjoying my nervousness. I shook my head. "Anyway, so, is it Adam Pierson? Or Benjamin Adams? Or what?"  
  
"You know of that alias how?"  
  
"If I told you, you'd never believe me. And actually, I just...shoot." I'd given away too much. I knew Methos and Duncan were friends. At least, I remembered it now. And getting into how I got here would mean relating the Slayer stuff, and the Immortal stuff, and the new Watcher stuff...and surely Mac had called Methos and told him that his new protege had just skipped town.  
  
"Try me."  
  
"Um, never mind. You're an Immortal. And I'm...I'm an Immortal." There, I'd admitted it. But that didn't mean I had to like it. Or start taking heads. It'd taken Methos over a thousand years to take his first head. Okay, so maybe not quite a thousand. I played with a small statue on the table. "I don't want to duel, fight, whatever you people call it."  
  
"So you're new. Then how would you know of my names, who I am? Only Watchers and a select few Immortals know that." He stood. "Would you like a drink?"  
  
"Um..." I cleared my throat again. "Sure, have Smirnoff Ice?"  
  
"Woman's drink," he scoffed playfully. "Be right back." While he was gone, my eyes kept drifting to the staircase and back outside to the courtyard. I could have sworn I heard chains rattling above me, but it was probably just my imagination. "Here you go." I stood and took the cold bottle from him, then joined Adam on the sofa. "By the way, Methos is just fine."  
  
"I-I think I've been lucky so far. Only met up with nice Immortals. Not ones who see me as a McQuickening." Methos laughed.  
  
"McQuickening. I like that." I took another sip of my drink. "So, who else have you met?" Dangit, I'd done it again. Before I could answer, the phone rang. Just my luck, it would be MacLeod. "Damn. Hold on a minute, alright?" Methos picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Oh, Mac, how're you doing?" The blood drained from my head and my pulse raced. "Actually, I would, really, love to talk. I'm kind of...otherwise engaged. Yeah, you could say that. Alright, first thing tomorrow. Later." He hung up and sat back down, closer to me. "Sorry, just a friend calling."  
  
"Oh? A friend...tha-that's nice." Adam looked at me.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded, a little too fast. "So, where were we? Ah, yes, the other Immortals you've come across. Perhaps I know them. Where are you from again?"  
  
I set my drink down, shaking violently. I couldn't be found out. Not so soon. But then, Methos and I would talk tonight. And then, he'd call MacLeod as soon as I left. It would all be over. Buffy and Giles would show up and haul my butt back to California.  
  
"Valerie? Are you sure you're okay?" Maybe it was the fact that I was on my second Smirnoff and feeling a little more relaxed, other than the obvious wiggins I was experiencing. But I told him.  
  
"No," I whispered.  
  
"Who else have you met, Val?" Methos asked now, leaning in, more curious.  
  
"That was Duncan MacLeod you were talking to on the telephone just now," I stated. Methos's face showed his surprise. "I'm from Sunnydale, California, where Mac is right now. Richie Ryan is with him, of course."  
  
"But...but, Valerie, how do you know them? Mac's a Watcher now, a different affiliation than the Immortal Watchers." I nodded miserably.  
  
"Yeah. I know. He's my Watcher. I'm a Slayer. Vampire slayer. My real name is Holly Summers." I gave a hollow laugh. "No, even that's not my real name. It was Holly Kaminski. I leaped into Buffy Summers, the original slayer of our time. She went into my dimension. Then she came back and I leaped into another girl in Sunnydale. Then a spell was performed by Buffy's Watcher and I no longer existed in my original dimension. Cordy came back and I was 'born' into this dimension. Everything was fine for awhile, then I got a new Watcher about a month ago. Duncan MacLeod was his name. Then, guess what, I find out I'm an Immortal. No, I haven't died. But Mac is positive. Just as you felt it, too. And...and I was scared. I didn't ask for it. I don't want it. Slaying...I can almost deal with. But this is too much...and I don't mean to whine...but I'm scared. So...I left. I ran. Please, Methos, do not tell Mac I'm here. I'll do anything. I just can't go back yet. Not yet."  
  
Adam was silent, letting all this sink in. I was almost in hysterics, sobbing. He put his arms around me and just let me cry. It felt strange, to be in another man's arms. But it was comforting, in some weird way.  
  
"I think I understand that. MacLeod told me about that, about you." I looked at him, alarmed. "Oh, not that you had run away, merely about his new slayer. What she was like. How she came to be. I was curious, you see." He was quiet for a second. "But Mac can help you. He's not into the Game. He's killed, yes, but only when forced to. So why not go back? Help the other slayer. Let MacLeod train you, teach you."  
  
"I can't, okay? I left because...because I can't have a life with them. Mac scares me, okay? He's a great guy, but he terrifies me. Because we're the same. We're both Immortals. But my friends...I can't have a life with them. They'll die. I won't."  
  
"I thought the same thing for awhile. But you can't go through life, no matter how long it is, avoiding real relationships."  
  
I stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the street.  
  
"I've known you all of a few hours and already you're giving me relationship advice. Oh, Xander and Giles would just love you." Methos came up behind me.  
  
"And they are...?"  
  
"My ex-fiancé and ex-Watcher, respectively."  
  
"You fought about this?"  
  
"Not exactly. I just...Xander's a wonderful guy. And it's not fair to him. Either way. If I was just a Slayer, I could die at any moment, and he'd be left without me. But now, I'm an Immortal, too. I'll live forever. Whatever age I die at, I stay that age. He...won't. It's just...not fair. And Giles...well, it's more a question of what haven't we fought about lately."  
  
"Sounds almost selfish to me." I whirled.  
  
"Oh, what would you know about it!"  
  
Methos merely looked at me, amused.  
  
"You think a man that's lived for thousands of years hasn't fallen in love a time or two? Trust me, I know."  
  
I flounced back onto the sofa next to him. It wasn't until our lips were touching that I realized I really needed to leave. If I didn't, I would probably end up staying the night. I made a quick exit and wandered down to the cemetery again.  
  
There weren't many people around, as this was technically out of the Quarter. Still, I caught a couple of vamps, dusted them, but didn't run across Jesse. I waited around for awhile, then decided to head back to the hotel.  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
It was past two-thirty when I finally left St. Louis Cemetery No. 1 and returned to Quarter House. I trudged inside the door, shutting and locking it behind me. Then I noticed that the lights were already on in the living room, and I saw someone standing on the balcony. I brandished my stake and crept to the side of the door.  
  
"Really, Holly, I thought I had taught you to be a little less conspicuous." I recognized the voice instantly and dropped the stake.  
  
"Giles?" He stepped inside. It was Giles, in the flesh, in my condo in New Orleans. He merely looked at me. I couldn't read his expression.  
  
"Sad, that in such a large and crime-filled city, that one can easily enter another's rented condominium. Although, with the last name of 'LaVelle', I suppose it is easy to find them out." I said nothing. I was reminded of the song Giles had sang about Buffy in the musical episode, back in my old dimension. How he'd wished to take this burden from her, how he felt like he was standing in the way, but mostly how he hurt so because she hurt...and I wondered if he'd ever felt like that about me. I'd missed him so much, missed him the most. Tears stung my eyes as I regarded him. "That upset about being caught?" he asked, misconstruing my uneasiness.  
  
"Giles..." I whispered. I burst into tears, and he took me into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I just-I..." And then everything came pouring out. How I felt when MacLeod had told me who I was, what I was. I told him about discovering who Methos was, how I had revealed my identity to him. I told him how I was so scared about letting something happen between Methos and I. I told him how Jesse had found me and helped me through everything. I told him what I had been doing in the past month since I had left New Orleans. Giles was silent the entire time. I paused, debating to tell him my last thoughts. Going for broke, I divulged my most recent reflections.  
  
"And I...I was so scared you didn't care, Giles. It was always Buffy, the Star, and her tagalong cousin, Holly. I know you never meant to come across that way. And granted I practically forced myself on you guys and Buffy is the original Slayer here...but I..." I stopped again, sobbing. I was sure Giles thought I was a complete basket case, but at least now he knew. And then I realized that in everything I had just revealed to Giles in the last fifteen minutes, Xander had not once come up. Giles must have noticed as well, because he moved a little farther away from me. The silence stretched on. I leaned into Giles once again, and his arms were around me instantly. And then his lips brushed mine, just for a second. He pulled away as if burned, jumping up.  
  
"Forgive me," he said, clearing his throat. "That should not have...I..." I moved over to him and placed a hand on his arm.  
  
"Don't, Giles. I'm the one that's sorry. I ran away from everyone. You guys took me in. You helped me more than you'll ever know, but I...I screwed up. Majorly." I wasn't quite sure what was happening between Giles and myself, but I didn't think that it was entirely bad. He looked into my eyes. I held his gaze.  
  
"I'm through playing the father," he said roughly, crushing me against him and kissing me, hard. I was too surprised to respond, at first, but when I did, it was nice. Giles lowered me slowly to the sofa. When we finally broke apart awhile later, our breath shallow, all we could was stare at one another in shock.  
  
"Giles?" I asked hesitantly. He was still lying halfway on top of me. Oh yeah. Things were definitely going to get weird.  
  
He didn't answer me at first. Then he sat up and moved to the other end of the couch. Giles leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.  
  
"God, I really don't know what I am doing anymore..." he said at last, his voice barely audible. "I just..." I positioned myself next to him again. "No, Giles. You just didn't anything. We just did. Do not feel you took advantage or-"  
  
"I may not have, Holly. But I am, was, your Watcher. As such, not in a position of any sort to...have such...relations."  
  
"Relations?" I repeated. "G, we made out. Welcome to the world of a teenager." He gave me a Look.  
  
"I, as you well know, am not a teenager."  
  
"I know that, Giles. But...age doesn't matter."  
  
"It does, Holly. You know full well that it does."  
  
"Whatever. All I know is, since I've been down here, yeah, I've missed Buffy. I've missed Willow and Xander. Even Spike. But mostly, I missed you. I missed being able to talk to you about my troubles, about how I was feeling. And while I was in Sunnydale, I came to respect you so much. So much." I chanced touching him again and took his hand.  
  
"And it's for that reason that I do not wish to overstep any boundaries. I couldn't bear losing you as a friend, as a-"  
  
"As a what, Giles? How would you classify this?" I motioned between myself and him. "You came all the way down here, without even packing anything, without telling anyone where you were headed." He finally looked at me.  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"I just do. It's true, isn't it?" He nodded.  
  
"That's besides the point." I let go of his hand and began pacing the room.  
  
"Then what is the point, Giles?" I demanded, exasperated.  
  
"That nothing should have happened. I let things go too far. The situation got out of hand."  
  
"Dammit, Rupert, are all you English guys like this?" His head snapped up. It was the first time I had ever called him by his first name. I grabbed his hands, pulled him up, and kissed him. He didn't fight it. And he knew I noticed that. Once I pulled away, I spoke again. "You can't explain it. Some things aren't rational. You of all people should know that. But something's happening between us. And we can't ignore it."  
  
"Yes, well, as soon as we get back to Sunnydale, we'll have to."  
  
"Get back to Sunnydale? Whoa. Wait a minute. I never said a word about leaving New Orleans. I like it here. Yeah, so it's kind of weird and out there. At least it isn't a functioning hellmouth."  
  
"No, rather a former hellmouth," Giles said, throwing me a sour glance.  
  
"Wow, really? Cool," I replied. I waved my hand. "But so what? I'm happy here. I love working at the Bottom of the Cup Tearoom. I mean, come on, a functioning haunting? Daily? Julie is the coolest!"  
  
"You've lived in Sunnydale for quite some time now, and you think a little active haunting is impressive?"  
  
"I just meant that you don't find that everywhere. And don't tell me where I could find it in Sunnydale. I don't want to go back. I don't want to find MacLeod. I'm almost twenty years old. Buffy and I have lived longer than any slayers, ever! I don't need a Watcher anymore." Giles's eyes darkened at that, and it was clear I had hurt him. I rubbed my forehead with my hand. "What I meant is that I don't need a Watcher...I don't want a Watcher...I want..."  
  
"Can you really answer that question, Holly?"  
  
"I want things to be normal again. But I know they can't be. Because since I've been here, here as in this dimension, life is...well...it just is. And me and Xander just happened."  
  
"And I have never had a problem with that. You should be happy. Xander deserves it, too. Never has anything like this crossed my mind."  
  
"But it had to, at some point. Why else would you still be searching for me? Why else would you have kissed me like you did, just minutes ago?"  
  
"Because I know how much everyone else is hurting. I know how much you are hurting. And we can't risk not having you around. Anything can happen to you. Without a Watcher, without an experienced Immortal to guide you. You-you haven't died here, have you?" he asked.  
  
"No, I haven't. I grow old and die. My Immortal powers are still latent, or whatever. I have no Quickening right now. So Mac and Richie can sense it in me. Big deal. My Quickening is worthless until I die. I'm safe."  
  
"And that's why you're still so naive, Holly." I glared at him. "You may not admit it, but it is true. You aren't safe. You never will be. It's just part of the job of a slayer. You live your life in danger, risking it for others."  
  
"To save the world time and again, yadda yadda yadda. I've heard all that, Giles." I crossed my arms. "Okay, so fine. Say it would be safer for me to go back to Sunnydale. Say I go back with you. What happens from there?"  
  
"That I don't know. I really don't. It's all part of a future we can't see. But we'll never know...unless you agree to return with me." I turned from him and stood at the balcony doors, looking out into the balmy Quarter night.  
  
"This city...it's always been my dream. I've always wanted to live here. To be a part of it. I feel more alive here than I ever have before. It's hard to describe. But ever since I first came here, I fell in love. And I can't leave this place behind, Giles. Knowing that I'll probably never return."  
  
"But it's all of that that told me where to find you. I know this city has been your dream. As does Buffy and everyone else."  
  
"So why are you here, then? Why not send one of them after me?"  
  
"I knew you wouldn't listen to any of them. If Xander came, you would have run. I know you don't wish to speak with him. But you will have to talk things out when you return." Giles sounded so assured of me going back to California. I nodded. "And...and I wanted to be the first to find you, to talk to you."  
  
"Great. Fine. So you were. You have. Are we leaving for Sunnydale in the morning then?" He either didn't sense or chose to ignore the sarcasm.  
  
"If you wish."  
  
"What about Methos?"  
  
"What about him? I imagine MacLeod will explain things to him, albeit not quite as scattered as your explanation." I stuck my tongue out at him, then flushed when Giles grinned wickedly. "So. Are you coming home then?" I collapsed backwards onto the couch.  
  
"Well, I don't see you leaving me alone until I agree. So, yeah, I guess so."  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
Late that next evening, Giles and I flew into Sunnydale from LA.  
  
"G, you haven't called anyone, told them I'd be back, did you?"  
  
"Of course not. Lord knows what type of reception you're apt to receive. I didn't think you wished to endure that at the airport." We picked up my luggage and headed to the parking lot.  
  
"Giles...why did you park in the short-term lot? I mean, how did you know I'd return with you?" He stopped, opened the trunk of his car, dumped my stuff in, and shut it before answering.  
  
"Easy," he said, smiling and holding the car door open for me. "I wasn't going to take no for an answer."  
  
In comparison with New Orleans, Sunnydale seemed so tiny and quiet, though I knew so much lay beneath that calm surface. I had to keep forcing myself not to cry. I wanted to go back to the French Quarter so badly, to see Jesse and Methos again. Figures. Was I ever going to be happy anywhere?  
  
"So, um, Giles...how has everyone been? Much changed?" Giles pulled into his driveway and I grabbed a bag from the backseat. He let us inside.  
  
"Well, Buffy and Richie have become pretty much inseparable. Buffy's been training a lot with MacLeod. Willow's more into Wicca than ever, but that isn't all bad, I suppose." He walked into the kitchen to start some tea. While his back was turned, I changed into a pair of soft high water sweats and a sports bra. I crept in and leaned against the counter.  
  
"And Xander?" I asked. Giles jumped at the close proximity of my voice. When he faced me, I didn't miss his eyes traveling appreciatively up my body. He shook his head, trying to clear it.  
  
"He's...dealing. In some ways, acting as if, well...as if you never existed, Holly."  
  
"Oh." I wasn't sure what I was expecting Giles to tell me concerning Xander, but that wasn't it. "What about you?"  
  
"Me?" He poured the steaming mugs of tea and led me to the sofa. "Running the Magic Box in between trying to figure out leads." We sat.  
  
"Leads?"  
  
"On your whereabouts. That and trying to give everyone enough time to cool off. Not to mention endless counseling sessions with Buffy and Willow. And doing my best to keep myself from flying straight to New Orleans and hauling you back here kicking and screaming." He set his mug down and took mine from my hands.  
  
"I didn't complain too much, now did I?" I settled back against the sofa.  
  
"No, I suppose not..." His lips brushed against mine. The room was so quiet, except for the sound of our breathing. We both started when a loud knocking began at the door.  
  
"Giles? Giles! It's Buffy!"  
  
"And Willow!"  
  
We broke apart and I groaned.  
  
"What now, G? Should I go upstairs? Hide?" Giles stood.  
  
"That would like even more suspicious, Holly. No, stay here. And, well, you know Buffy. I guess you'll have to say your hellos a little sooner than we thought." Giles went to answer the door. I sat silently, shaking, wondering how Willow and Buffy would react. At least they hadn't walked in on Giles and I on the couch. No telling what would have happened.  
  
"Giles, where the hell have you been? What, you want to pull a Holly and go off completely unanno-" Buffy caught sight of me on the sofa.  
  
"Hey, cuz." I gave a little wave, and stepped forward. She and Willow just stood, mouths hanging open. "Um...yeah...good to see you, too." Though I had a good three inches on Buffy, I was actually more than a little intimidated by her at that moment.  
  
"I'm not sure whether I should hug you or knock the shi-"  
  
Giles moved in between us, albeit very close to me.  
  
"Buffy, before you say anything, before you do anything, maybe you should hear her side of the story." Buffy whirled on him, shocked.  
  
"I cannot believe you, of all people, are sticking up for her! I mean, I left last year, and you completely...And she just...goes and does the same thing! And it's okay for her? After what she put you through! I saw how upset you were! So did Willow. Right, Will?"  
  
"Um..." Willow hesitated. "Buffy, why don't we all just sit down and chill, okay? I mean, I'm not exactly the happiest with Holly right now, either, but screaming won't solve anything. We've all learned that the hard way." She led Buffy to the couch and sat next to her, while Giles took my hand and pushed me into an armchair, then perched on the armrest. If either girl noticed Giles's attentions to me, neither said anything. A thought occurred to me.  
  
"Giles," I whispered to him. "Did you tell them exactly why, I mean, about, you know, why I left?"  
  
"No," he said simply. "It's best left for you to tell everyone. If you want to, that is."  
  
"Tell us what?" Buffy asked. "That you chickened out on Xander and gave his ring back, not even in person?" Her voice had a chill to it I had never heard before. Willow looked at me sadly. I grasped Giles's hand tighter.  
  
"Not that," I murmured. "Just...I didn't leave because of Xander. Or because Giles was no longer my Watcher." Both Willow and Buffy took notice of our laced fingers and he and I dropped hands quickly. "I left because...because I'm Immortal." Buffy's eyes went wild for a second.  
  
"What? Tha-that means that you...that someone...but...a Slayer...can't be sired, can she? Giles?" She looked to Giles.  
  
"There are different types of Immortality, Buffy," Willow finally spoke up. "There is the type we're most familiar with, the whole drink my blood and become the evil undead vampire thing, and then...then the Immortals. A select group of people throughout history, the world, and eternity." Buffy just stared at me.  
  
"Meaning...?"  
  
"That Holly will, in effect, live forever, at least, well, until other circumstances occur," Giles answered.  
  
"Other circumstances?" Buffy repeated.  
  
"Till some other Immortal comes along and takes her head," Richie said from the doorway. He and MacLeod had just walked in.  
  
"Oh, goody," I muttered. "Why don't we just call Xander and Aunt Joyce for a full reunion." I looked up at Mac, flinching as his dark eyes rested on me.  
  
"Holly," he said. "Good to see you're back." Richie took a seat next to Buffy. Mac stood leaning against the wall. "Methos called. Says thanks for the car, but wants to know if you'd mind him trading it in for something a bit more...manly." I gave a small smile.  
  
"No, not at all." If Mac was planning on berating me, at least he didn't seem to want to do it now, in front of everyone. I breathed a tiny sigh of relief. There was yet another awkward silence.  
  
"So, um...you ran because you're Immortal," Willow said. "You don't think you could have at least stopped and said something first? I mean, at least a, hey, sorry, can't deal with this right now, I need to leave for a little while, but I promise I'll stay in touch?" I glanced at Giles. Buffy caught the look.  
  
"Arguing with Giles in the middle of the street does not qualify, Holly," she said.  
  
"God, Buffy," I complained. "Where the hell do you get off yelling at me about this? You skipped town when Angel got all...Angelus. And you were upset about your mom and your friends and being the Slayer." I stood, almost knocking Giles over. "Well, guess what. I skipped town. I'm still new here. I was upset about being a Slayer, about being an Immortal. About Xander, Giles, MacLeod, you, everyone. Where's the difference? Why is it okay for you and not for me?" I was hot, completely angry. She jumped up, facing me.  
  
"Did I ever say it was okay? Never! I know I put everyone through hell last year! It was stupid! But at least I've learned from my mistakes! At least I know that! What about you?" We glared at each other.  
  
"Buffy, I don't want to fight with you. I don't. Really. I'm happy to be back. But even you have to admit that this is a lot to deal with. Running was immature. But I didn't know what else to do. Maybe it's just that you and I are so alike that it kills us both. I don't know. But yelling, screaming, arguing is going to get us nowhere. Two Slayers having it out is just going to entertain everyone else here." Brief smiles flickered throughout the room. "I'm sorry. I am. It's going to take time for things to get back to...semi-normal or whatever. I need to earn whatever trust I had with you all back. I know that. Can I be done groveling for now?" She grinned at me.  
  
"I guess." We hugged and sat back down. "So, are you coming back home tonight, or are you sleeping with Giles?" Giles and I both jumped at that.  
  
"Sleeping with Giles? Um, um..." Giles elbowed me lightly. "I think I might stay over here. Just for tonight. On the couch. In here. On the couch." Buffy and Willow looked at me strangely at the over-clarification.  
  
"Very smooth," Giles whispered to me out of the side of his mouth.  
  
"Hey, Buffy?" I asked. "How's Beta doing? You know, my kitten?"  
  
She and Willow exchanged a look.  
  
"Um, actually...Beta...well, she's not dead...she just...we had to..." Willow began.  
  
"Wills is allergic, and since she's been staying with me...and Willow's cousins were in town, and so they took her in...we didn't know when you'd be back..." Buffy looked apologetic. I nodded wistfully, understanding.  
  
"Well, then, I believe Richie and I will be seeing you all tomorrow sometime. Perhaps at the Magic Box, in the morning?" Mac said, putting a hand on Richie's shoulder. We said goodbye and the two left. Buffy and Willow didn't stay much longer. As soon as they were gone, I turned to Giles.  
  
"You don't think they noticed anything, do you? I mean, about...about you and...you and I?" He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Who knows. I'm just thankful that Buffy didn't strangle you at first sight." He stopped. "But Holly, you do realize, now that we are back in Sunnydale...there can be no...no 'you and I.'" I stepped up to him.  
  
"Excuse me, Mr. I'm Your Former Watcher So You Have to Listen to Me. You kissed me on that couch." I turned his head to it. "See? That one right there? You kissed me." He put his hand on mine.  
  
"I don't deny it. But we can't. Patch things up with Xander, if you can. But a relationship between us we cannot have." I glared at him. "Sleep upstairs. I'll be fine on the sofa."  
  
"I'm not asking you to marry me, here. And you're not Angel, and I'm not Buffy. You aren't my Watcher. Where's the problem?" Giles just shook his head and motioned up the stairs. I started up. "Too many to go into. The major one being your cousin." He paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Good night, Holly."  
  
"Giles," I called down. "Just...tell me you'll think about it. I mean...just say you'll at least think about it." Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was doing the classic "Giles is aggravated" move, taking his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Good night, Holly."  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
When I awoke the next morning, I showered and dressed quickly, anxious to talk to Giles. He was sitting at the table, reading through an old, weathered text and drinking tea.  
  
"You're awake. Good. Ready to face everyone today?" he asked. I shrugged.  
  
"I guess." I pulled my hair back from my face, picked up my brush, and fixed it in place with a clip. I grabbed a quick piece of toast and we left. The drive to the Magic Box was a silent one. We were the first to arrive at the shop, so while Giles unlocked the register, I put on a Vanessa Carlton CD. I hopped onto the counter next to the register.  
  
"So, Giles, how'd you sleep last night?" I could tell just by looking at him that he'd barely gotten a wink.  
  
"Not well, thank you." He turned his back to me as he reshelved a couple of books.  
  
"Any particular reason?" He faced me, arms crossed.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think," I said, hopping down, "that there is a lot we need to talk about. And you are merely avoiding it by saying an absolute no. Something happened in New Orleans; you know it, I know it." I placed my hands on his chest. I didn't break eye contact. His gaze shifted at the tinkling of the bell on the door.  
  
"Hello, Buffy, Mac, Richie." I removed my hands.  
  
"We're not through here," I hissed. "We'll talk as soon as you and Xander talk," he replied, his voice low. I groaned.  
  
"What's up?" Buffy asked, throwing her bag down on the table.  
  
"Where's Willow?" I wondered.  
  
"Trying to convince Xander to come today. Not too keen on the seeing you again," she answered.  
  
"Can't say I blame the guy," Richie put in. "What is this music?"  
  
"Vanessa Carlton," I huffed. "Aside from Dave Matthews and Van Halen, my favorite artist." Buffy went over and turned the music up a notch.  
  
"Tons better than Lestat," she commented. Mac rolled his eyes.  
  
"How about you and I talk now, Holly," he suggested. I followed him into the training room.  
  
"Okay, go ahead. Yell. I'm prepared. I deserve it." I pulled up a chair in front of him. He took a seat facing me.  
  
"Why would I?" I stared at him in surprise.  
  
"No scolding? No 'bad Slayer' slap on the wrist?" I asked in astonishment.  
  
"I think you've punished yourself enough. And I know Giles has spoken to you on the subject. Besides, I can't say I really blame you. It's a lot to deal with."  
  
"I need to apologize, though. For how I reacted. Some of the things I said...I was way out of line. Especially about you killing me, whether for the Game or just to realize my Immortality. I know you wouldn't...and I forgot about Kate." A pained expression came across his face.  
  
"I-I was still young. I thought...I thought I was doing her a favor."  
  
"I know, Mac, I know. We all make mistakes. Hindsight is like that. But it's like you told Connor. As long as she lives, there's the chance that she'll forgive you...or has she? Have you killed Jacob Kale?" He nodded slightly.  
  
"Barely. But yes, Kate and I have spoken since then."  
  
"Well, she's a lucky woman. At least she got to go to bed with you." It was out of my mouth before I realized what I'd said, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. I flushed deep scarlet. Mac gave a little laugh.  
  
"I take that as a compliment, Holly. Don't worry," he said, amused.  
  
"Oh, my God. That was so embarrassing."  
  
"Ah, don't be embarrassed. Besides, I know I'm not the Watcher that you really want." My head shot up and my heartbeat doubled. "Yes, I noticed."  
  
"Mac...Mac...um..." I stuttered.  
  
"Relax. It's not like he's your Watcher anymore. Perfectly legal. I think. Don't let the Council stop you. Just..." He stopped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Be careful. With him. With Xander. I know you've not had the chance to speak with Xander yet, but you hurt him deeply. Straighten things out with him first, if it's possible."  
  
"Yeah, if it's possible. Giles says the same thing. Although, since I got back in Sunnydale, Giles is refusing to acknowledge that anything happened between us," I complained.  
  
"Well, it's easier that way," Mac replied. "In case you haven't noticed, men have this little thing called pride. He doesn't want to get hurt. He doesn't want to hurt you. And knowing Giles, he wants to make sure you figure out what you want to do about Xander."  
  
"Male pride. Don't even get me started," I warned. Mac laughed again.  
  
"Well, for that earlier comment about Kate taking me to bed," he said, eyes twinkling, "I do believe I will ask another question, if you'll allow."  
  
"Isn't bringing up Giles enough?" Mac shrugged.  
  
"At least now you have someone to talk to about him. We need to open the communication lines between us."  
  
"I guess that's true. What'd you want to know?"  
  
He grinned wickedly.  
  
"What happened between you and Methos?"  
  
I giggled.  
  
"Absolutely nothing! I promise. Even though, when you called a couple nights ago, and he was 'otherwise engaged'?" Mac nodded. "Um, that would be me." Mac shook his head, smirking. "Hey, all that happened was I drank a couple of Smirnoff's, went spastic and told him who I was and everything, and then I left and headed to the cemetery."  
  
"Turn to work when things get uncomfortable?" I shrugged.  
  
"Easier than saying, hey, Methos, you're hot, and I'd love to make out, but I have a love life more complicated than most of your life." Mac chuckled.  
  
"Somehow, knowing Methos, I don't think that would have put him off much. Especially not with a beautiful woman." I blushed. "But, seriously. We do need to get to training, but mostly just to trusting each other."  
  
"I know. I totally agree. But, um, mind playing the big brother rather than the father?" He looked at me quizzically. "Long story. Besides...one thing I've really missed since coming here is having my big bro. And since mine back in Indiana loved 'Highlander'..."  
  
"Hey, no problem. I'm here for you," Mac told me.  
  
"And Xander's here, too," Buffy said, sticking her head in the door. I blew out a huge breath. Mac put his hand on my shoulder as we stood.  
  
"You can do this. Just relax."  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Everyone was sitting at the "research table" when Mac and I walked in. All conversation stopped as everyone watched to see how Xander and I would react to each other. He looked at me, nodding his head curtly.  
  
"Holly."  
  
"Xander," I returned. One of those really great awkward silences ensued.  
  
"So, um, Buffy," Willow began. "Weren't you just telling me about that great book Giles got in today? You know that one...um, otherwhere?"  
  
"What? Book?" She caught Willow's pointed glances at Xander and I. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah. The book. Yeah, I wanted to show you and Richie."  
  
The three stood and moved into the storage room. MacLeod gracefully bowed out, citing no excuse. Giles watched me for a long moment. I nodded at him, and he reluctantly followed Mac.  
  
"So..." I could tell Xander wasn't going to give an inch.  
  
"How was New Orleans? Good for healing a broken heart? Oh, wait, that wasn't yours," he spat. And we were off. I resolved not to get angry and defensive.  
  
"I enjoyed it, thank you."  
  
"Well, at least one of us did. Do you know how hard it is to have someone else tell you your fiancee skipped town? Better yet, to find the ring you'd given her stuffed in some paper at your door?" He graced me with a fierce glare. "Let me tell you. Priceless. Unforgettable. Right up there with-"  
  
"Xander, quit it. I feel bad. No, that doesn't help you any. And it doesn't make things right. I screwed up. Big time. Paint a big L across my forehead, okay? But sitting here throwing mean words at one another isn't going to solve anything."  
  
"Well, neither did running away."  
  
"No kidding. But wait, you still don't know why I left, do you?"  
  
"Let me guess...you were walking around the graveyard, then suddenly, you had this great idea on how to hurt me the most," he said sarcastically. I could tell he was partly serious, though.  
  
"Try again, Sherlock." I gave him a withering glance. "How about this: I'm Immortal."  
  
"You're what?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
"I'm the same as Richie and MacLeod. They're Immortals. Part of another race of human beings that are, in effect, just freaks of nature. I'm one of them. Sort of. I guess I have to die first before I come into my full Immortal power. Never understood all that junk." I shrugged.  
  
"Wait. You're serious, aren't you?" Xander leaned forward.  
  
"Deadly."  
  
"So you left out of nowhere just because MacLeod tells you you're Immortal? Sounds like you could have just talked to him or someone about it and been okay."  
  
"Then you obviously don't get it, Harris."  
  
"Enlighten me."  
  
"I left because I was scared. Here was a perfect stranger telling me I was going to live forever. That I have to participate in some 'Game' to stay alive. That I can never have children. But most of all, that everyone I know and love is going to die, and I'll keep on living. And there's nothing I can do about it."  
  
"So you waste time that you could be spending with those people by leaving? Doesn't make much sense to me," Xander said, crossing his arms.  
  
"Fine. Try this one on for size. I didn't want to do that to you. I wanted to let you find someone that you could grow old with, be with...someone that could give you children someday."  
  
"How selfless. Thanks for being so considerate."  
  
I shook my head in exasperation.  
  
"Look, Xander, it's obvious you're not even listening to anything I'm saying here. So why don't we just leave it for sometime when you will listen? When you will talk and not be so...sarcastic? I know that's your first line of defense when you've been hurt, but you're not the only one in pain here. Quit being so selfish and grow up!" I stood and turned to leave.  
  
"You want honesty? All right then. I loved you. And to me, it seemed you just threw it all back in my face by leaving like you did. Not even a word to me. Why didn't you think you could talk to me about it?" I sat back down. Xander's brown eyes looked at me earnestly, sadly.  
  
"I just..." I thought how best to answer him. "I was scared. I didn't understand. I figured you wouldn't either. But mostly, I thought that it just wasn't fair to you. I'm a Slayer, and now I'm an Immortal. That's just...too much for any relationship. It was too hard."  
  
"So that's it? We're over because you get some rough news from the Powers? It's nothing new around here, Holly, trust me." I chewed on my lip, trying not to cry.  
  
"I never said we were over, exactly..."  
  
"You mean the ring in the door thing didn't count as that? Gee, wonder what it did mean then." Xander stood and pushed in his chair. "When you're ready to really talk, I'm here. Until then, let's just try and get along with some sense of maturity for everyone else's sakes."  
  
"Fine," I retorted. I stalked off in the opposite direction. I started into the storage room, then decided against it. I still wasn't feeling the most comfortable around Buffy and Willow yet. Give it time, I thought.  
  
The rest of the day was plenty busy. I spent part of it with MacLeod, training on the sword. Xander and I were at least able to be in the same room with each other while working in the shop. I never was able to get Giles alone for even a second.  
  
When we parted ways that evening, I managed to convince Giles to let me sleep over once again. He was quite reluctant to do so. Willow was still staying at the apartment with Buffy, and I gathered Xander would also be spending the night there. 


End file.
